“I am not what happened to me I am what I choose to become” C.G. Jung
I feel so humbled by the response I received from my last blog. It was a tough one to write and out of misplaced fear I had a moment of doubt before posting it. But I knew it was something I needed to get out.
Many people couldn’t believe that I had been in such a dark place.Whilst talking to one friend he asked disbelievinlgy ‘you, positive, inspiring, words of wisdom Zoe. Had thoughts like that?” Then he asked ‘why would you post something like that?’
Its a good question. Why would I post about something so personal?
I explained to him that if by talking about my experience and how I’ve come through that dark period helps even one person then it will be worth it. Turns out he’d had similar thoughts himself.
Some people said I was brave for being so vulnerable and whilst it does take a certain amount of courage to be vulnerable I’ve also found it liberating. I’ve found that by sharing my story and my truth I am able to help others express their truth.
So often we live in the stories of our past. Allowing those stories to constrict and constrain us. I’ve just finished a retreat with my teacher and one of the things he’s teaches is this.
“There is NO SHAME. There is NO BLAME”
Its been one of the biggest realisations of my life and is something that has stayed with me throughout the years. I remember the first time I heard him say this 4yrs ago, I burst into tears. I had been carrying around so much blame and shame for things that had happened in the past and this just released a floodgate of emotion. So many things are not discussed in our society because of the shame/blame cycle. We contract ourselves by holding onto shame or placing blame on ourselves or others.
Talk about mental health, suicide, abuse, and I mean all forms of abuse, physical, sexual, mental and emotional abuse and more are all pushed into the dark. Many peoples families don’t even know what is really happening in their loved ones lives because they are to ashamed to tell the truth. We’re worried that we will be judged if we admit the truth of whats really happening in our lives when things are tough or admitting the truth about dark times in out past. We can live in denial, not even admitting the truth to ourselves, and in doing so just make these issues that much bigger and we often feel like we’re alone in this world.
I think it’s important to bring these topics out of the shadows and into the light. To help ourselves, and others, recognise that WE ARE NOT ALONE. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone and if someone talks to you don’t judge but just listen with love and compassion.
Repeat after me THERE IS NO SHAME. THERE IS NO BLAME.